When you see a quiet man, be careful !

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Escaping from my bad story “Trying to Suicide”

↝Suicide is the best decision for some people,  no exception for me. But  Alhamdulillah, I think this worst mind have knocked out and now I’m trying to look happy in every situation, Why ? because I have realized that this life is a mistery from God  that interesting to be solved, and that’s it, God give us many tests for teach us how to be a better person . If we can pass the test we will be in one level higher than the last we are.

So, let’s to the main topic for this.

↝I want to tell you something ‘bout myself. I’m Ilham,  18 years old, still single till now, but I’m letting my heart for someone and I hope it can be a special things someday.. I’m alumnus SMAN 1 Cikarang Utara and still living in Puri Lintas Asih. I write this because this time for me to create  moments to upgrade everything to be higher, better, braver person, and leave everything about my bad habbit and bad act.

Yup, suicide maybe a bit terrifying story for some people because this story is about a risk act for this life, affected from deep imaginary, stressed out , and uncontrolled situation.

↝This intention happened because…. hmmmm, i can said I’m to idealism for some situations, High egoism, big expectation, and too deep in my halutination to be a best person around. It’s started when I was Grade 2 Senior High School. The tired moments in senior high school I think, because many classmates still busy in their business and still egoism in their world. The haviest moment when I asked them for do something to be a better things, but they ignored me and still unresponded.

One Semester passed, As an idealism I hope many changes happen in my next semester,  yup unfortunately some unhappies tragedy happened again to me.  Many tasks, and maybe it’s my first time to try organization, so i was fully tested.

↝One moment (I think this project show that how poor I was, I was on the top and highest place of my weakness) my teacher asked to make a group dance and discuss a concept about dance choosen. The task given to us, but I got frustrated, I confused and I didn’t know what I have to do. Because just a few friend who care this, and in this condition i could do nothing to change it.

            The day run fastly until my team getting tryout ,the result shows that we  got a bad comment on our first try,  I guess that can be happened because loss contact or less communication. Situation getting worse when another group in my class having a good comment and have progress in their team.

↝After a few days , I planned to finished my life.but, my deep heart said “ how to do that ?”, many things that I taught last day,” using knife ?, scissor is better maybe ? or ? How can I do ?, What will happen if I finished my life , My parents still waiting my successness, ?, Should I, hmmmm ??, How about my future ?.  How about my team ? Who’s still need me ?”. Together mixed to be one in my head.

My heaviest life finally come, and I almost tripped to a biggest regret, when they said “it’s a little problem that can we solved together”, but sorry last day…my mind very hard to accept all their talking about this problem.

↝I didn’t know last day, very unease situation. Stressed out !! damn !!. But, I didn’t know why….

Few days later, suddenly I think how my parents are, my others friends, and my name as a Great Student ?, it can be worse if I do that. So, i decided to tell my condition to my parents. My parents so excited after knew what I have said and very scary. They give advices and make sure that it’s a bad way to me, you just need taking a break,relaxing and enjoying the life. Here, you have parents and closest friend who need to be your best partner to tell your condition. And most important you have GOD, he never gives you test if you can’t handle that. Allah knows everything we need, and everything we want. But you have to remember that Allah gives all you need, not all you want…….

 ↝Suddenly, I recognized all my parents said is true, I’m greedy, egoism, and too ambisious but can’t control well.

One day left, I’m struggle to believe my God’s plan. I have to receive it, because Allah wants me to be  better person. Try to forget my scary plan and be positive in every situations. 

↝I think it’s my bad experience, but it has many big impacts for myself too that Life is a journey, enjoy and never think ‘bout trying to finished the life because God have plans and we just do with pleasure. Always remember many people want to live in this beautiful world, but they can’t, so never give up and always be in Right way. Alhamdulillah, after i passed my Grade 2, everything changes and i'm happy with the situations.
The higher you're tested, the more you get gifts from God. Always grateful and be positive .
😁😁😁😁


Sincerely, Handsome Boy 😂😂😂😂

                                         


Komentar

  1. Istiqna_ahnaf5 September 2019 pukul 02.42

    I think a lot of students have thought like that, but you don't feel alone.. congrats bcs you have thought that way, so.. you will be stronger again!!🙂

    BalasHapus
  2. Reverb8 September 2019 pukul 09.02

    Its okay to be not okay ham, allah never gives you more than you can handle. semangat kuliahnya!🙂 -ridho

    BalasHapus

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